Oh, someone accused you that you’re judgmental and you are looking for a solution on how to stop. Or perhaps you said hurtful words to someone you consider to be judgmental. Let us explain to you the only truthful thing you might come across today. We are all judgmental. Yes, even the best person, the holiest person, and the most righteous person is judgmental.
Passing judgment on others comes naturally to us as human beings. We might not even know we have already judged someone till they come close to us or try to tell us something. Then our actions speak volumes. As human beings, we are created to streamline our thoughts. We only accept that which is in line with what we believe and reject other points of view. We don’t even try to consider other opinions.
Let us paint a scenario. You are in an exclusive relationship with your partner. Neither of you cheats on each other. If you come across someone that is in an open relationship, there is a high tendency you will judge them. To you, their way of life might be wrong because you just believe being in an open relationship is absurd.
But we have news for you. You can control how you judge others. That is why you are looking for information on how to stop criticizing people, right? Here are some steps you can follow to cease being judgmental:
Understand the Person/Situation: Most people seek to be understood. Misunderstanding is the root of a lot of failed relationships in our society. The first step to stop being judgmental is to understand the person. Stop judging people based on what they wear or their looks. You need to talk to them before you even have the right to pass your opinion on their situation or their lives. A lot of people have stories. The majority of individuals you will ever meet has had terrible experiences in the past. It might be one of the leading causes of what is going on with them now. If you cannot talk to them, try to find out from others what might have happened to them. Slow down on the criticism. That person you just criticized might be your hero in the future.
Learn to Accept People: Everybody is different. We were all brought up differently. Some people are raised up in wealthy homes. Other people are brought up in underprivileged families. How we all view situations differ. Once you have grasped the person’s situation, just accept it for what it is. If a person decides to tell you the story behind why he or she behaves in a particular way, just believe the story. Don’t question it or try to rationalize it in your head. It will be a betrayal if after telling you the story, you still go ahead to judge such individual. One fact you should know now is that you can’t change people. You might be able to influence their actions, but, ultimately, you cannot change them to fit you or your lifestyle.
Love People: Ability to loves comes naturally to us. If you make up your mind to love someone, regardless of the faults they have, it is possible. One of the steps to stop being critical of others is to love them. Once you have understood them and accepted them or their situation, every other thing comes easy. You might think this is not possible. But, the truth is if you have indeed accepted them and understood them, you will not find it difficult. Love is healing. If your friend expresses love to you, we are sure your mood changed instantly. You will feel on top of the world. If you’re someone that criticizes people a lot based on how they look, put yourself in their shoes. What better way is there to show you are not judgmental but by showing love?
Think about Why You Criticize: There’s a saying that goes like this: “people that live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.” You are not perfect. You probably have so many faults you don’t know. If you tend to be judgmental, search yourself and understand the reason. If you’re unhappy, you might be more critical of others. We tend to be more judgmental when we’re jealous of someone. On a piece of paper, write down why you don’t like that person. You might discover a lot of things about yourself.
Be Conscious of Yourself: We have an innate ability to be aware of our actions. If you want to stop smoking determination sets in, there will be a conscious effort to resist the urge. As someone that wants to quit being judgmental, you have to build it into your consciousness. When you see someone, and your brain feels the need to judge, stop for a second, and take a deep breath. Remember that you are trying to stop criticizing others. Gradually, you will find that you take the time to get to know people before criticizing. You might even make awesome friends when you practice these steps.
Believe in Goodness: Perhaps you have been talked about behind your back. When this happens, your response might be, “But I’m a good person!” To stop being so critical of others, look for what you can love about them. You don’t always have to dissect people’s life apart in trying to find just one bad thing. Focus on the great things about that person. Even if it’s the fact that they sometimes volunteer at that hospital, hold on to that. They might not be the best, but, they are not the worst either.
Consider Your Reputation: We all remember people for a particular thing. Some people stick in your brain because of their talents. Others, for being the clown. To stop being judgmental, consider how you want people to see you. Do you want them always to remember you as the type that looks down on people? Or as the person that embraces everybody, irrespective of who they are?
Now, it might take some time to learn this points consciously. It takes months, sometimes years, to build new habits. Remember, nobody is perfect. Not even you. Take time to understand people. Control how harshly you criticize people. Learn to substitute criticism for kindness and an open mind. Judging others doesn’t define who they are. It defines who you are. You wouldn’t want to be judged by others, would you?
Photo Credit: Tinybuddha